Friday, April 19, 2013

trying to land the helicopter

whenever i ask Lily what she would like to do some day, her answers are always wild:
chase tornadoes, study volcanoes, see an earthquake, swim with sharks.

it is in these moments that i realize that i have become...a mom.

when arnie asks me what i would do if we won the lottery, my answer is simple: buy a home with just enough space, buy an RV and travel the country.

since i was young, i've loved to read and from that love of reading came a thirst for knowledge. since having children, i deal with this by watching loads of documentaries, the history channel, and the biography channel (and some animal planet!) -reading books these days is a true luxury; finding a book after starting it is a treasure hunt that could last days.

when i hear "chase tornadoes", i think of debris, rain wrapped tornadoes (hard to see until they're on you), i think F5 on the fujita scale, i think "oh my goodness, the danger that would come with such a job!"

when i hear "study volcanoes", i think of Pompeii, i think Mt St Helens, i see clouds of ash and poison filled gasses. i think massive eruptions and no time to escape.

when i hear "see an earthquake", i think the burning of San Francisco. i see mass destruction: gas line breaks, endless fires, crumbled buildings and missing people.

when i hear "swim with sharks", i hear only ridiculousness. i see Jaws, i hear the music. i see shark attack victims. i see dark, open water. i think scuba diving accidents. i think "when animals attack".

can you hear the helicopter yet? yes, i am a helicopter rehab, trying to land.

when Lily says tornadoes, she thinks adventure. she wants to see and feel mother nature in full force. she sees the beauty in lightening (i do, too..just from a distance). she sees wonderment in funnel clouds.
she sees Hawaiian islands in volcanoes. she sees science in an eruption. she sees the massive power of an explosion and wants to know more.
when she says she wants to see an earthquake, i see the "red cross" come out in her. i watch her as she watches documentaries and i see her dismay as some people run away...when she sees people being left behind. she wants to know why we cant "predict" an earthquake (the same for the volcano) and why we havent figured more out about fault lines.
when she says she wants to swim with sharks, she sees excitement. she believes whole-heartedly in living life to its fullest and last drop and while i cannot concur that swimming with sharks would be worth it...i shake my head and listen to the energy in her voice when she talks about what she wants to do.

i'm told i watch too many documentaries. i'm told i read too much. i argue that knowledge is something we should never stop acquiring, but i do see their point. i see danger in everything: from roller coaster rides to swimming in open water; and i see a lot of it based on the things i've watched and read.

so this year, i'm trying to hold myself back and bite my tongue more often. i'm trying to educate Lily on the things she loves and finds excitement in so that *should* she actually decide to take that path, then maybe some of my caution will have rubbed off on her.

see, when i say buy an RV and travel the country, Lily sees area 51, California, Mt St Helens. i see not straying too far off the beaten path. i see earthquakes in California (i'd just avoid that state altogether), i see the chance of a violent volcano, i see desert and i think broken down RV, dehydration, death. yeah...i need help. :)

Lily's teaching me caution can hold you back from the fun stuff, so i'm trying to reach a goal of a happy medium...and trying like heck to land this helicopter; because i've read hovering can actually cause crashes and the chance of survival from a helicopter crash is slim without massive injury..and i hate heights...and.... (hehehe)

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