As a parent, I think we can all agree that we only want the best for our children.
In the book, Trophy Child, Ted Cunningham, the author, helps us see the real and true definition of what that "best" is.
Trophy Child takes you by the hand and walks you through some of Mr. Cunningham's own family experiences- no matter how cringe worthy they may be. This book doesn't feel as though you're being scolded as a bad parent for getting caught up in the world's "bests"; it feels more like a meeting of two close friends helping hold each other accountable to the Bible's calling of being a mother or father.
As a parent to a child who is socially and athletically active, this book convicted my heart on more than one level.
Mr. Cunningham talks about knowing our limits (our own, as well as each member of our family) and to refrain from adding more and more activities to fill every minute of every day.
He provides simple strategies for maintaining margin in our family's lives, he doesn't really care so much for your parenting style so much as as he cares about your family values, your balancing, and your ablilty to prioritize your relationship with God.
Every chapter ends with a parent gut check; bringing the whole chapter home to you. I personally LOVE that. It's like a friendly little reminder- "You know this was for you, right? Make sure you're bringing this home, literally and figuratively."
This book is full of parenting jewels and gems that I will use from here on out. I cannot wait to reread this book again with my husband.
My personal reccomendation?
Don't just buy this book to read it, utilize it.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
bringing out the troll in all of us
what is it about the internet that turns us into the cruelest versions of ourselves? if you were to take a look at any opinionated stance on a hot button issue (vaccinating babies, circumcision, God in schools, republican vs. democrat, etc.) you will see that people dont respond politely- hardly ever.
i rarely- if ever- see a comment that goes something like this: "thank you for sharing how you feel on this topic and why you feel the way you, now, i would love to share my view with you and why i hold that view; maybe we can get together for coffee and dig a little deeper into the issue?"
nope. normally i see a LOT of name calling, harsh words, and just blatant anger towards someone for not seeing things the way they do.
now, i'm not innocent in this matter. i, too, have gone off the deep end when replying to someone. i try to censor myself, check myself, and breathe before replying, but sometimes, the faceless wall that is the internet takes me by the hand and i become...a 5 year old that wants to pinch the soft part of their arm (about 3 inches above the elbow) and call them a doody head.
i cant help it. i get angry..dont we all, sometimes? mostly, i lose my cool when someone starts calling you an idiot or worse (a poor parent) for your beliefs and choices. for example, some parents- especially the "crunchy" or granola-type parents, see circumcision as cruel, inhumane, and just an out right form of terrible torture. we'll call crunchy parent, parent A. so when someone replies-parent B- with a statement, "we circumcised our son due to our religious beliefs, we were there for it, he never reacted as though he was in pain, he healed nicely, and we've had no issues since then." parent A, claiming cruelty, goes defcon 5. you, my dear parent B, have just unknowingly entered yourself into war...and while you may have a few folks come to your defense; parent A will have an army of trolls seek you out, find you on other sites, and hound you incessantly.
which causes me to take step back and ask- what are these people like in real life? have i met these types? the ones who will almost stalk you with anger and name calling simply because you dont see eye to eye with them? how do they behave day to day? do they have children? how do they react when one of them disagrees with them??
recently, wsaz has been running a story about a picture of Jesus in school and a group of folks wanting it taken down. now, let me be clear, i'm not following this story. havent watched any part of it on tv. i've only seen postings on facebook about it. i clicked on the comments and it actually scared me how angry people- adults- are reacting to this. angry, personal attacks on one another.
which leads me to ask: who raised these people?? did the parents fail? who taught them that this was acceptable behavior?? what makes them think that talking/typing this way is okay?
when i was in first grade, we would say a prayer as a class before going to lunch. "God is great, God is good...etc" i loved that. i still remember this prayer, word for word. i taught it to my daughter. she says it before all her meals.
thanks to our church and our families God is a part of my children's lives. public school? not so much. Perry elementary (when Lily attended there) was okay with any and all talk about God- which i thought was awesome, but not necessary.
why isnt it necessary? because a love of God should be formed in a child's heart, cultured, and nurtured by those who love her to prepare her for the outside world. you cannot force others to love God...free will...freedom of choice...however sad it may be, some folks simply choose to walk away from the truth. and we're teaching Lily that (as we will Amelia and Cain).
so should they take the picture of Jesus down? if you ask me, no...i dont think so. i'm old-school and i dont like change. change bugs me...but that's one of my quirks.
but would i be just as okay with a picture of allah hanging in a school? honestly, i dont know. i know that Lily wouldnt care and i wouldnt "worry" about a photo convincing Lily to leave God. she's smarter than that.
i think some people just really need attention and have no idea how to get positive attention...in essence, they never outgrew their terrible twos phase. and so, you end up with these super angry comments from these folks who will literally haunt a post awaiting your reply so they can get more irate and belligerent.
i guess you need to go back to the old adage that our mothers and grandmothers taught us: if you dont have something nice to say, then dont say anything at all. and if your mother didnt teach you that, take it under advisement now. it's a wise choice.
i rarely- if ever- see a comment that goes something like this: "thank you for sharing how you feel on this topic and why you feel the way you, now, i would love to share my view with you and why i hold that view; maybe we can get together for coffee and dig a little deeper into the issue?"
nope. normally i see a LOT of name calling, harsh words, and just blatant anger towards someone for not seeing things the way they do.
now, i'm not innocent in this matter. i, too, have gone off the deep end when replying to someone. i try to censor myself, check myself, and breathe before replying, but sometimes, the faceless wall that is the internet takes me by the hand and i become...a 5 year old that wants to pinch the soft part of their arm (about 3 inches above the elbow) and call them a doody head.
i cant help it. i get angry..dont we all, sometimes? mostly, i lose my cool when someone starts calling you an idiot or worse (a poor parent) for your beliefs and choices. for example, some parents- especially the "crunchy" or granola-type parents, see circumcision as cruel, inhumane, and just an out right form of terrible torture. we'll call crunchy parent, parent A. so when someone replies-parent B- with a statement, "we circumcised our son due to our religious beliefs, we were there for it, he never reacted as though he was in pain, he healed nicely, and we've had no issues since then." parent A, claiming cruelty, goes defcon 5. you, my dear parent B, have just unknowingly entered yourself into war...and while you may have a few folks come to your defense; parent A will have an army of trolls seek you out, find you on other sites, and hound you incessantly.
which causes me to take step back and ask- what are these people like in real life? have i met these types? the ones who will almost stalk you with anger and name calling simply because you dont see eye to eye with them? how do they behave day to day? do they have children? how do they react when one of them disagrees with them??
recently, wsaz has been running a story about a picture of Jesus in school and a group of folks wanting it taken down. now, let me be clear, i'm not following this story. havent watched any part of it on tv. i've only seen postings on facebook about it. i clicked on the comments and it actually scared me how angry people- adults- are reacting to this. angry, personal attacks on one another.
which leads me to ask: who raised these people?? did the parents fail? who taught them that this was acceptable behavior?? what makes them think that talking/typing this way is okay?
when i was in first grade, we would say a prayer as a class before going to lunch. "God is great, God is good...etc" i loved that. i still remember this prayer, word for word. i taught it to my daughter. she says it before all her meals.
thanks to our church and our families God is a part of my children's lives. public school? not so much. Perry elementary (when Lily attended there) was okay with any and all talk about God- which i thought was awesome, but not necessary.
why isnt it necessary? because a love of God should be formed in a child's heart, cultured, and nurtured by those who love her to prepare her for the outside world. you cannot force others to love God...free will...freedom of choice...however sad it may be, some folks simply choose to walk away from the truth. and we're teaching Lily that (as we will Amelia and Cain).
so should they take the picture of Jesus down? if you ask me, no...i dont think so. i'm old-school and i dont like change. change bugs me...but that's one of my quirks.
but would i be just as okay with a picture of allah hanging in a school? honestly, i dont know. i know that Lily wouldnt care and i wouldnt "worry" about a photo convincing Lily to leave God. she's smarter than that.
i think some people just really need attention and have no idea how to get positive attention...in essence, they never outgrew their terrible twos phase. and so, you end up with these super angry comments from these folks who will literally haunt a post awaiting your reply so they can get more irate and belligerent.
i guess you need to go back to the old adage that our mothers and grandmothers taught us: if you dont have something nice to say, then dont say anything at all. and if your mother didnt teach you that, take it under advisement now. it's a wise choice.
Friday, January 4, 2013
moments when i should be sleeping...
some days i still catch myself getting lost in grief.
i'll see a picture of Lily smiling in july 2010. it's a crazy, open, laughing smile. a smile that doesnt know real sadness. a smile that knows no loss. i can date most pictures by looking at them. our faces have changed. everything has changed.
just a picture pre-august 2010 can still send me reeling. it will place me right back in the er, staring helplessly back and forth at arnie and at Lily who was standing near the end of my bed.
but that's not why i'm writing this.
i'm writing this because every day, i find something new to be thankful for. Amelia wouldnt be here if i hadnt went through that storm of grief. i simply wouldnt have her.
i truly believe that Amelia was sent directly from heaven above to me. she is my clown. she makes me laugh nonstop. it doesnt matter what kind of day i have, she can put a smile on my lips and laughter in my lungs. i dont think she even tries, she's just naturally a total character. she's made funny faces since the day she was born. now she poses, dances, yells, talks, and sings to me.
when i get upset and raise my voice, Amelia is the first one to make me laugh before i can get mad. she'll follow me around and mimic everything i do, making me laugh and realize- i'm ridiculous when i'm mad...and by the way, dont we all feel better when we laugh?
she's a total ball of energy that can wear you down quickly, but i tell you, however relieved i am that she's taking a nap, minutes into it, i find myself missing her and watching a clock for the time for her to wake up.
she's started walking much more now. she loves walking towards me and at the very last minute spinning around and walking away- chuckling at my fake dismay. she'll smile knowingly when she knows she's about to make me laugh. for a 18 month old, she's wise beyond her year(s).
and Cain...my little man. he is so very special. Cain has hugged me and clung to me since day one. even as he sleeps, he reaches for my finger, my hand, my arm..something to hold. he will often raise his eyebrows at me, as if even at his young age, he cannot believe what a total sap his mommy is. he giggles when i kiss his cheeks. he steals my heart daily. i find myself marveling at the man he will become. i whisper to him to never change his sweetness, and if he must, to simply become sweeter.
and if you know me, you might be wondering where Lily is in all this. well, Lily put this all back in perspective for me one day when i was feeling sad. it was as if she had read my mind. she was playing with Amelia and just said- out of the blue- that while losing the baby made her sad, she was thankful because now we have Amelia..and we wouldnt have her at all if we hadnt gone through that.
so the point isnt that we've gone through dark days, the point is we MADE it through together and we're stronger and so much more thankful for everything.
Baby smiles, baby giggles, and holding hands are things that i live for.
so hug your children. hug them until they tell you to stop. dont ever look back and wish you'd hugged more. be thankful for every moment and on bad days, make a list of things that make you smile.
there are some nights when i am beat down tired...the day has been hard, nothing went right, and i know sleep cant come soon enough...
but instead, i stand still, silent, and i listen to the sound of sleeping babies. Cain, who chuckles and belly laughs in his sleep and Amelia who snores like an old man, and sometimes talks. i stand and i marvel at the gifts God has blessed me with.
i cannot hold onto anger, sadness, or frustration from the day or from the past when i take in these moments for what they truly are:
gifts from God.
i'll see a picture of Lily smiling in july 2010. it's a crazy, open, laughing smile. a smile that doesnt know real sadness. a smile that knows no loss. i can date most pictures by looking at them. our faces have changed. everything has changed.
just a picture pre-august 2010 can still send me reeling. it will place me right back in the er, staring helplessly back and forth at arnie and at Lily who was standing near the end of my bed.
but that's not why i'm writing this.
i'm writing this because every day, i find something new to be thankful for. Amelia wouldnt be here if i hadnt went through that storm of grief. i simply wouldnt have her.
i truly believe that Amelia was sent directly from heaven above to me. she is my clown. she makes me laugh nonstop. it doesnt matter what kind of day i have, she can put a smile on my lips and laughter in my lungs. i dont think she even tries, she's just naturally a total character. she's made funny faces since the day she was born. now she poses, dances, yells, talks, and sings to me.
when i get upset and raise my voice, Amelia is the first one to make me laugh before i can get mad. she'll follow me around and mimic everything i do, making me laugh and realize- i'm ridiculous when i'm mad...and by the way, dont we all feel better when we laugh?
she's a total ball of energy that can wear you down quickly, but i tell you, however relieved i am that she's taking a nap, minutes into it, i find myself missing her and watching a clock for the time for her to wake up.
she's started walking much more now. she loves walking towards me and at the very last minute spinning around and walking away- chuckling at my fake dismay. she'll smile knowingly when she knows she's about to make me laugh. for a 18 month old, she's wise beyond her year(s).
and Cain...my little man. he is so very special. Cain has hugged me and clung to me since day one. even as he sleeps, he reaches for my finger, my hand, my arm..something to hold. he will often raise his eyebrows at me, as if even at his young age, he cannot believe what a total sap his mommy is. he giggles when i kiss his cheeks. he steals my heart daily. i find myself marveling at the man he will become. i whisper to him to never change his sweetness, and if he must, to simply become sweeter.
and if you know me, you might be wondering where Lily is in all this. well, Lily put this all back in perspective for me one day when i was feeling sad. it was as if she had read my mind. she was playing with Amelia and just said- out of the blue- that while losing the baby made her sad, she was thankful because now we have Amelia..and we wouldnt have her at all if we hadnt gone through that.
so the point isnt that we've gone through dark days, the point is we MADE it through together and we're stronger and so much more thankful for everything.
Baby smiles, baby giggles, and holding hands are things that i live for.
so hug your children. hug them until they tell you to stop. dont ever look back and wish you'd hugged more. be thankful for every moment and on bad days, make a list of things that make you smile.
there are some nights when i am beat down tired...the day has been hard, nothing went right, and i know sleep cant come soon enough...
but instead, i stand still, silent, and i listen to the sound of sleeping babies. Cain, who chuckles and belly laughs in his sleep and Amelia who snores like an old man, and sometimes talks. i stand and i marvel at the gifts God has blessed me with.
i cannot hold onto anger, sadness, or frustration from the day or from the past when i take in these moments for what they truly are:
gifts from God.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
we're not gonna take it...NO we're not gonna take it...we're not gonna take it anymore...
i've just read this article entitled "how to talk to little girls" and now i'm just angry with society.
the article talks about how we shouldnt start a conversation with a little girl by telling her how darn cute she is. apparently, telling her she's adorable will set her up for eating disorders, an overwhelming urge to get plastic surgery, and a general overall bad feeling about themselves....all because you noticed she was pretty.
the article also talks about how nearly 50% of 3-6 years old worry about being fat. mascara and lip stick are being worn on a regular basis before the age of 12.
interesting.
see, i was under the impression that as a parent of little girls...i would set the standard for beauty.
i was also under the impression that since these kids aren't even teenagers, I would most certainly have a say so over when and where my girls can and will (if EVER, at these ages) wear make up.
i was unaware that telling my girls i think they're flipping adorable would cause harm and i'm basically killing their self worth with every compliment i give.
i really loath articles that tell me how i should talk to my children. it makes me angry when a writer tries to scare me with statistics and warnings of what my children will turn into if i dont heed their warnings right now.
my children are NOT statistics. you learn to not be a statistic when you're facing down illnesses (that statistically don't give you long to live) every day. dont base your future off numbers based off studies controlled by people who dont.know.your.life.
i've taught my children that beauty is everywhere because everything and everyone is made by God. if God made it, it IS beautiful. i've taught them to never EVER make fun of someone for their looks. looks are unique and only a small part of what makes someone special.
lily learned a lesson in beauty a few years ago when i used an analogy of an old building (one that i fell in love with) in pt pleasant, wv...that was torn down. i showed her pictures of it when it was in its prime, i showed her pictures of it when i was in high school and i trespassed to get those pictures and marvel at its beauty...and finally i showed her the spot where it used to stand. she almost cried. we drive by there every now and then and she comments on how empty the place seems now. i have to agree.
not everyone saw that place as beautiful and it was torn down. i told her to NEVER let someone tear her down...because..well...look at what's left behind.
lastly, if I wear make up, it's mascara. if i wear more than that, it is seriously a special occasion. every now and then, i let Lily play with my makeup. to me, it's part of being a little girl. she also will wear my heels. we laugh, we take pictures, and we have a great time.
oh, and also, my 10 year old has caught glimpses of america's next top model and YES, she wants to be on it. you know why? to make sure ALL the girls know they're beautiful, and also, she wants to win...to prove that a smart girl can win, too.
i tell my children they are gorgeous. ALL THE TIME.
i'm going to make sure when they get to that point where i'm no longer within ear shot, if some idiot says something hurtful about their looks, it will roll off them like it's NOTHING..because they'll know how beautiful they are.
because their mom told them so. because their family tells them so. because strangers tell them in grocery stores.
telling a kid they're cute is NOT harmful, lisa bloom, but telling parents to conform to society's expectations- yeah. i'd say that's tantamount to drinking the koolaid.
grow a pair of lady balls and think for yourself. define beauty for your children because if you dont, some dumb ass writer for the huffington post will gladly define it for them. who do you want your kids looking up to and believing in?
RAISE your own kids. dont bother me with your semantics.
the article talks about how we shouldnt start a conversation with a little girl by telling her how darn cute she is. apparently, telling her she's adorable will set her up for eating disorders, an overwhelming urge to get plastic surgery, and a general overall bad feeling about themselves....all because you noticed she was pretty.
the article also talks about how nearly 50% of 3-6 years old worry about being fat. mascara and lip stick are being worn on a regular basis before the age of 12.
interesting.
see, i was under the impression that as a parent of little girls...i would set the standard for beauty.
i was also under the impression that since these kids aren't even teenagers, I would most certainly have a say so over when and where my girls can and will (if EVER, at these ages) wear make up.
i was unaware that telling my girls i think they're flipping adorable would cause harm and i'm basically killing their self worth with every compliment i give.
i really loath articles that tell me how i should talk to my children. it makes me angry when a writer tries to scare me with statistics and warnings of what my children will turn into if i dont heed their warnings right now.
my children are NOT statistics. you learn to not be a statistic when you're facing down illnesses (that statistically don't give you long to live) every day. dont base your future off numbers based off studies controlled by people who dont.know.your.life.
i've taught my children that beauty is everywhere because everything and everyone is made by God. if God made it, it IS beautiful. i've taught them to never EVER make fun of someone for their looks. looks are unique and only a small part of what makes someone special.
lily learned a lesson in beauty a few years ago when i used an analogy of an old building (one that i fell in love with) in pt pleasant, wv...that was torn down. i showed her pictures of it when it was in its prime, i showed her pictures of it when i was in high school and i trespassed to get those pictures and marvel at its beauty...and finally i showed her the spot where it used to stand. she almost cried. we drive by there every now and then and she comments on how empty the place seems now. i have to agree.
not everyone saw that place as beautiful and it was torn down. i told her to NEVER let someone tear her down...because..well...look at what's left behind.
lastly, if I wear make up, it's mascara. if i wear more than that, it is seriously a special occasion. every now and then, i let Lily play with my makeup. to me, it's part of being a little girl. she also will wear my heels. we laugh, we take pictures, and we have a great time.
oh, and also, my 10 year old has caught glimpses of america's next top model and YES, she wants to be on it. you know why? to make sure ALL the girls know they're beautiful, and also, she wants to win...to prove that a smart girl can win, too.
i tell my children they are gorgeous. ALL THE TIME.
i'm going to make sure when they get to that point where i'm no longer within ear shot, if some idiot says something hurtful about their looks, it will roll off them like it's NOTHING..because they'll know how beautiful they are.
because their mom told them so. because their family tells them so. because strangers tell them in grocery stores.
telling a kid they're cute is NOT harmful, lisa bloom, but telling parents to conform to society's expectations- yeah. i'd say that's tantamount to drinking the koolaid.
grow a pair of lady balls and think for yourself. define beauty for your children because if you dont, some dumb ass writer for the huffington post will gladly define it for them. who do you want your kids looking up to and believing in?
RAISE your own kids. dont bother me with your semantics.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
what's the value of x
when i was a kid, i can remember Christmases as a time of serious magic and anticipation.
i know i had to make lists, but i don't really remember any of them specifically. i remember spending Christmas eve at my papaw's house (crowded and overflowing with family that didn't leave until well after dark) and getting updates from my uncle John on whether Santa was close to our street (whenever he went outside to smoke).
i remember wanting to go home quickly on Christmas eve so we could get to bed so Christmas morning would show up much quicker.
i think, but I'm not sure...the biggest thing we (my brother and i) ever asked for was a TV or a gaming system (Sega genesis- i miss you)
and those things lasted. we played Sega (sonic, *sigh*) until our hands would be sore. Jesse- probably played madden or some other football game, sonic was pretty much strictly my domain.
so, after Christmas this year, i was reflecting on my childhood Christmas memories and watching my children and i realized that so far, we have dodged the "big" gifts.
Lily typically doesn't ask for a whole lot...and what she does ask for isn't outrageous and normally stays within her age range.
Amelia and Cain aren't old enough yet to ask for "things".
I've watched on facebook as friends and family have posted pictures and lists of things they or their children received. I've read or looked at some with mild embarrassment.
let me say this, we are beyond blessed with family that seem to hit the nail on the head with the gifts they buy for our kids. seriously, they LOVE everything they received. they are thankful and very happy with everything. thank you, everyone, for the thoughtfulness that you all put into their presents. it means the world to me and to them.
it seems anymore, as the years have passed, and i have grown up...that kids have upped the anty on what they require for Christmas. it's no longer all about bikes or dollhouses. it's about iphones at age 6...tablets, ipads, ipods, and kindles. super high dollar, easily breakable, and high responsibility items.
as a parent, that scares me.
we've made the decision that our kids wont receive these as gifts. that means if Lily wants a kindle or a tablet, then she will earn money and pay for it herself...and then she will only use it at allotted times. as far as a phone or an ipod? nope, sorry. it wont happen. seeing kids walking around everywhere with headphones perpetually in their ears? it hits a nerve with me. you have to have music on constantly? why??
aren't we 'connected' enough already? do we really need to separate ourselves more from each other? I'd rather Lily ride her bike outside. I'd rather her read a real book..or ask one of us to play real checkers with her. am i old fashioned? absolutely. judgemental? a little bit--but i try not to be. but when i see a young child 100% engrossed in a cellphone game...or ignoring everyone around them with their headphones...it's just rude. there has to be limits. there needs to be some respect taught to our kids. if you can do that while they have these high end items, go you.
i just want to make sure my kids know the real value of money.
we haven't made the smartest decisions when it comes to money and i definitely don't want my children to make the same mistakes that we have. in my mind there needs to be a shut off. where when a child asks for something outlandish, you should be allowed to say no...and explain why.
if Lily wants something that's costly, then she can work and earn money to pay for it herself...and if it requires data, she can only use wifi or she can help pay for a data plan. these things don't pay for themselves. they require constant feed of prepaid cards or additional money on a monthly plan. they require insurance in case they get dropped in a tub...dropped on a floor and cracked...or simply left somewhere and forgotten. these things happen to responsible adults...and we're giving them to kids. i don't know about yours, but mine has a hard time keeping track of the clothes she had on yesterday...and Amelia's and Cain's binkies? we're constantly losing them! imagine if their binkie cost $400+. we've gone through 6 with Amelia alone. and no lie- Lily has a pair of pj's that we CANNOT find. she literally lost them. they've vanished.
so, if you're reading this and you're a parent who has bought your child or children high ticket items this Christmas, don't get your feathers all ruffled. it's okay with me if you do...i just don't get it. what happens if next year, the bigger-better comes out? will you one up yourself and get that one next year and discard last year's? and what about the year after that? they're always getting better with technology. will your child still appreciate a thoughtful handwritten letter as a gift? or will they look for more?
I'll be honest- that was my wake up call. several years ago, lily was opening gifts and when they ran out, she seemed sullen and asked, "is that all?" and i realized we were doing it wrong.
since then, we've tried like heck to instill a value to all things...and showed that some things, like love, are invaluable. we've tried to teach that things are just that...they're things. you cant take them with you when you die.
we've also shown her that a gift is a GIFT, and you should treat it as such by taking care of it and treating it in a way that would make the gift giver proud and happy to have given it to you.
so today, while working ahead in math, we were working to find the value of x, Lily stopped me and asked, "in math, is there ever an x that you cant put value on?"
and i had to stop and write this.
i know i had to make lists, but i don't really remember any of them specifically. i remember spending Christmas eve at my papaw's house (crowded and overflowing with family that didn't leave until well after dark) and getting updates from my uncle John on whether Santa was close to our street (whenever he went outside to smoke).
i remember wanting to go home quickly on Christmas eve so we could get to bed so Christmas morning would show up much quicker.
i think, but I'm not sure...the biggest thing we (my brother and i) ever asked for was a TV or a gaming system (Sega genesis- i miss you)
and those things lasted. we played Sega (sonic, *sigh*) until our hands would be sore. Jesse- probably played madden or some other football game, sonic was pretty much strictly my domain.
so, after Christmas this year, i was reflecting on my childhood Christmas memories and watching my children and i realized that so far, we have dodged the "big" gifts.
Lily typically doesn't ask for a whole lot...and what she does ask for isn't outrageous and normally stays within her age range.
Amelia and Cain aren't old enough yet to ask for "things".
I've watched on facebook as friends and family have posted pictures and lists of things they or their children received. I've read or looked at some with mild embarrassment.
let me say this, we are beyond blessed with family that seem to hit the nail on the head with the gifts they buy for our kids. seriously, they LOVE everything they received. they are thankful and very happy with everything. thank you, everyone, for the thoughtfulness that you all put into their presents. it means the world to me and to them.
it seems anymore, as the years have passed, and i have grown up...that kids have upped the anty on what they require for Christmas. it's no longer all about bikes or dollhouses. it's about iphones at age 6...tablets, ipads, ipods, and kindles. super high dollar, easily breakable, and high responsibility items.
as a parent, that scares me.
we've made the decision that our kids wont receive these as gifts. that means if Lily wants a kindle or a tablet, then she will earn money and pay for it herself...and then she will only use it at allotted times. as far as a phone or an ipod? nope, sorry. it wont happen. seeing kids walking around everywhere with headphones perpetually in their ears? it hits a nerve with me. you have to have music on constantly? why??
aren't we 'connected' enough already? do we really need to separate ourselves more from each other? I'd rather Lily ride her bike outside. I'd rather her read a real book..or ask one of us to play real checkers with her. am i old fashioned? absolutely. judgemental? a little bit--but i try not to be. but when i see a young child 100% engrossed in a cellphone game...or ignoring everyone around them with their headphones...it's just rude. there has to be limits. there needs to be some respect taught to our kids. if you can do that while they have these high end items, go you.
i just want to make sure my kids know the real value of money.
we haven't made the smartest decisions when it comes to money and i definitely don't want my children to make the same mistakes that we have. in my mind there needs to be a shut off. where when a child asks for something outlandish, you should be allowed to say no...and explain why.
if Lily wants something that's costly, then she can work and earn money to pay for it herself...and if it requires data, she can only use wifi or she can help pay for a data plan. these things don't pay for themselves. they require constant feed of prepaid cards or additional money on a monthly plan. they require insurance in case they get dropped in a tub...dropped on a floor and cracked...or simply left somewhere and forgotten. these things happen to responsible adults...and we're giving them to kids. i don't know about yours, but mine has a hard time keeping track of the clothes she had on yesterday...and Amelia's and Cain's binkies? we're constantly losing them! imagine if their binkie cost $400+. we've gone through 6 with Amelia alone. and no lie- Lily has a pair of pj's that we CANNOT find. she literally lost them. they've vanished.
so, if you're reading this and you're a parent who has bought your child or children high ticket items this Christmas, don't get your feathers all ruffled. it's okay with me if you do...i just don't get it. what happens if next year, the bigger-better comes out? will you one up yourself and get that one next year and discard last year's? and what about the year after that? they're always getting better with technology. will your child still appreciate a thoughtful handwritten letter as a gift? or will they look for more?
I'll be honest- that was my wake up call. several years ago, lily was opening gifts and when they ran out, she seemed sullen and asked, "is that all?" and i realized we were doing it wrong.
since then, we've tried like heck to instill a value to all things...and showed that some things, like love, are invaluable. we've tried to teach that things are just that...they're things. you cant take them with you when you die.
we've also shown her that a gift is a GIFT, and you should treat it as such by taking care of it and treating it in a way that would make the gift giver proud and happy to have given it to you.
so today, while working ahead in math, we were working to find the value of x, Lily stopped me and asked, "in math, is there ever an x that you cant put value on?"
and i had to stop and write this.
Friday, December 14, 2012
do you ever second guess your prayers?
Have you ever prayed for something and then instantly began worrying about how God might answer that prayer?
We all know God rarely answers prayers with direct responses (I.e praying for patience doesn't mean you wake up one day suddenly with a zen mind; nooo, God will give you "opportunities" to be more patient.)
So when I began praying for better money handling skills, I didn't expect to be blessed with instant knowledge...and while i was nervous about the answer i definitely did not expect the response I received.
For some time, Arnie and I had been praying about life changes and waiting as patiently as we could for answers. (While I also prayed for money management)
Then, one day, all the responses came in one phone call.
We had two weeks and Arnie would be starting his new job in a different state and we would be moving much closer to our families.
The kicker? Packing and moving with 3 kids, 2 of which are under the age of 2. The bigger kicker? Arnie would not receive his first paycheck until mid December (his first day on the new job was November 17th)
This meant an entire month with NO income. None. Zilch. And we had 2 weeks notice for this...and add into that travel and moving expenses...on top of your every day stuff.
Now, most people have an emergency fund for situations similar to these. Ours, however, was depleted thoroughly in late June, early July when the derecho hit and knocked out the power for 7 days. We had to buy disposable diapers (hand washing diapers took a lot of time and patience) and eat out a ton (ugh!) due to losing our well stocked fridge and deep freeze. and gas alone (getting to and from places) was killing us.
So, here we were- all those prayers we had prayed answered in one swoop and I was nervous. Scratch that, I was terrified.
No income for a month AND literally on the heals of Christmas? A holiday that we don't shop for until the weekend before the holiday?!!
Somewhere inside of me a quiet voice said He will provide. But my shouts nearly drowned that out. What about this? What about that? What are we going to do?? How will we survive?
well, today is finally Arnie's first pay check after a month of being super creative and diligent about where any money went. i learned a lot this month, about our spending habits, about necessities, and about what really matters.
i didn't come out of this month a money guru, but i did learn a lot and, again, a prayer was answered.
nothing has made me more humble than not having a paycheck to look forward to for 30+ days.
this Christmas will not be full of gifts (sorry to those we normally buy for), but of smaller things and focused much more on the real meaning of this holiday.
it's strange because I've caught myself a few times feeling not really into the Christmas spirit. blame it on the warmer weather, blame it on the move..but i blame it on myself. i get so into buying things, wrapping things, and giving gifts and this year, obviously, we're not....
like i said, it is humbling on a different level and it also forces you to stop looking at the commercial and start focusing on why Christmas is here to begin with.
it's not been an easy road, this month...but there's half the month left to make it work...and to see the positives.
it always make me nervous to pray for the big things because you never know how God will answer. i always take refuge in the Bible...because the "big" guys seemed to feel the same way. Jonah ran when God called him. Moses stuttered, but became a great speaker and leader. but they all worked toward the glory of God. i am small, but i know i have a purpose, and everything goes towards shaping me into a better person, the person God made me to be.
one of my favorite sayings is this:
God doesn't always show up when we want Him to, but he is always on time.
We all know God rarely answers prayers with direct responses (I.e praying for patience doesn't mean you wake up one day suddenly with a zen mind; nooo, God will give you "opportunities" to be more patient.)
So when I began praying for better money handling skills, I didn't expect to be blessed with instant knowledge...and while i was nervous about the answer i definitely did not expect the response I received.
For some time, Arnie and I had been praying about life changes and waiting as patiently as we could for answers. (While I also prayed for money management)
Then, one day, all the responses came in one phone call.
We had two weeks and Arnie would be starting his new job in a different state and we would be moving much closer to our families.
The kicker? Packing and moving with 3 kids, 2 of which are under the age of 2. The bigger kicker? Arnie would not receive his first paycheck until mid December (his first day on the new job was November 17th)
This meant an entire month with NO income. None. Zilch. And we had 2 weeks notice for this...and add into that travel and moving expenses...on top of your every day stuff.
Now, most people have an emergency fund for situations similar to these. Ours, however, was depleted thoroughly in late June, early July when the derecho hit and knocked out the power for 7 days. We had to buy disposable diapers (hand washing diapers took a lot of time and patience) and eat out a ton (ugh!) due to losing our well stocked fridge and deep freeze. and gas alone (getting to and from places) was killing us.
So, here we were- all those prayers we had prayed answered in one swoop and I was nervous. Scratch that, I was terrified.
No income for a month AND literally on the heals of Christmas? A holiday that we don't shop for until the weekend before the holiday?!!
Somewhere inside of me a quiet voice said He will provide. But my shouts nearly drowned that out. What about this? What about that? What are we going to do?? How will we survive?
well, today is finally Arnie's first pay check after a month of being super creative and diligent about where any money went. i learned a lot this month, about our spending habits, about necessities, and about what really matters.
i didn't come out of this month a money guru, but i did learn a lot and, again, a prayer was answered.
nothing has made me more humble than not having a paycheck to look forward to for 30+ days.
this Christmas will not be full of gifts (sorry to those we normally buy for), but of smaller things and focused much more on the real meaning of this holiday.
it's strange because I've caught myself a few times feeling not really into the Christmas spirit. blame it on the warmer weather, blame it on the move..but i blame it on myself. i get so into buying things, wrapping things, and giving gifts and this year, obviously, we're not....
like i said, it is humbling on a different level and it also forces you to stop looking at the commercial and start focusing on why Christmas is here to begin with.
it's not been an easy road, this month...but there's half the month left to make it work...and to see the positives.
it always make me nervous to pray for the big things because you never know how God will answer. i always take refuge in the Bible...because the "big" guys seemed to feel the same way. Jonah ran when God called him. Moses stuttered, but became a great speaker and leader. but they all worked toward the glory of God. i am small, but i know i have a purpose, and everything goes towards shaping me into a better person, the person God made me to be.
one of my favorite sayings is this:
God doesn't always show up when we want Him to, but he is always on time.
Friday, December 7, 2012
ever wonder if you're making a difference?
have you ever had a moment in your life where you just knew God has to be snickering at you?
you know...when you're sitting, surrounded by half unpacked boxes, cheerios stuck to your shirt, spit-up in your hair, STILL carrying around some baby weight..and you mutter to yourself, "this was not what i had planned..."
i can almost hear God struggling with milk shooting out of his nose from that line.
i have to take a step back and remind myself that i KNEW this (moving 'home' after 8 years) wasn't going to be easy. that we came to this decision because the benefits far outweighed the downfalls. *but* that those benefits were "in the long run" benefits, not immediate.
i remind myself of how blessed we are. how incredibly, amazingly, blessed we are.
it's easy to get caught up in the ebb and flow of every day drama: someone's teething, someone's going through a growth spurt, everyone's crying (including me!) someone doesn't care to listen, is something burning in the oven? why is the carpet wet?!
so i take a deep breath and look at what I've accomplished that day. as mom...as a girl..as a person who struggles with the idea of and the fear of failure, some days, i just need someone to say, "you're kicking some serious butt today, you know that?"
don't we all occasionally need that?
and while my children's behavior is a reflection on me...nothing has made me more proud than yesterday when Lily and I moved into the birth and life of Jesus Christ in her history lesson.
i started reading the story of the good Samaritan to her and before i got more than 3 sentences in, Lily was bouncing in her seat, saying, "I know this!"..so i stopped and let her tell me the story. i didn't have to read it. she passed the history test with flying colors. i know i didn't do this alone, we've had a tribe of wonderful people in our lives helping culture a love of God in her heart; but wow, what a moment to stop and smile and really know that me- as a parent- is doing something right.
there are so many times when you can second guess your abilities as a parent or as a person in general...but when something like this happens, you have to breathe a sigh of relief.
i was second guessing my decision to home school. i was contemplating the idea of sending her to school...not because it got too hard..but because, well, i don't really know what put it in my head to even consider the change but i was...and now, I'm most definitely not.
there are so many benefits to home schooling: flexible learning schedule, learning at your child's pace, choosing to integrate your faith into everyday learning, instilling family values and morals, life lessons can be learned by allowing your school age children to see you every day in life situations (see above list: teething, fussing, crying, etc.)
i believe it's a very big deal for your children to be able to see you in stressful situations so that they will learn how to deal with their own stressful situations.
everything, absolutely everything can be a teaching moment. baking brownies becomes science, mixed with literature and comprehension, mixed with home ec.
i really love that we can pick up and go whenever we want to. i love that school can be done at noon. i love that my younger ones are able to learn by observing.
yes, if you know me, you know my plate is extremely full. don't ever tell me that staying at home is "easy". I've added a lot to my days by choosing certain things over others...but i hope that I'm teaching my children that easier isn't always better, and sometimes a little extra elbow grease is well worth it.
we cloth diaper vs. disposable.
I'm not against disposable. in fact, i typically keep a package in my house for specific situations like what we're going through now with Amelia. her skin is SUPER sensitive. we just recently changed washers and because of my miscalculation, the diapers didn't get rinsed as well and resulted in Amelia getting a chemical burn (think diaper rash, but more painful for her). so while all diapers are getting stripped and thoroughly rinsed, she's in disposables and healing nicely.
cloth diapers= extra loads of laundry...but I'm a stay at home mom, I'm definitely a homebody, so for me, the extra work isn't a big deal.
we don't do baby food.
for me, this seems easier. i just mashed up our food for Amelia when she required it and I'll do the same for Cain when he's old enough.
i do the haircuts.
we save money by getting home trims. Arnie's is easy. I've always done my own, and Lily is a breeze as well. i just gave her another perm last night which she loves. the cost? $5 and change. I've had the rods for a few years and the perm solution was roughly $5. more work? yes. is my neck and back killing me today? yes. does lily love her hair? yes. totally. worth it. :)
we don't do a whole lot of eating out.
yes, this equals more cooking, but in the end, we save lots of money, and eat healthier. we also teach our kids to be creative with food, for instance if i cook chili on day one, day two becomes chili cheese fries or coney dogs, and day three it becomes a dip for chips. also, when we do eat out, it is truly a treat and a fun adventure for the kids.
we recycle older things.
i try to teach Lily that old doesn't equal boring. we take towels that are too ragged to use as towels and use the sewing machine to make new things (attempts at clothes for dolls or diaper inserts for Amelia and Cain). we typically will scan through the clearanced fabrics and buy when things are ridiculously cheap. add that fabric (normally it's fun "seasonal" patterns that didn't sell for that season or holiday) to the old towels and you get fun new things for next to nothing. again, yes, it's more work...but I'm hoping this gives my kids a better foundation especially when today's society is so quick to throw the used and broken in the garbage. (we also use orphaned socks as cleaning rags)
we home school.
i know that you cannot shield your children from every terrible thing, but you can equip your children with the proper tools and knowledge to combat bad things they will encounter.
it is a great deal of work. it takes an enormous amount of patience...it may not be for everyone...but the pay out is so very rewarding. and i cant describe how happy i am to be able to spend that time with my children...to be right there when they have their "aha!" moments is priceless.
so, yes, i most definitely have my days where i know God is giggling at my "this was not in my plans!" moments. i have days where i question every decision I've made. i have days when i feel totally insane, and yes, i absolutely have a good cry.
so, if you don't know me well and you read a post or two on facebook from me...please know that I'm not really bragging so much as making an "i cannot believe this day went this well!" statement...because i have plenty of days of nonstop messes, helplessness, and self pity. days where I've yelled at someone for something when no one deserved to be yelled at. days when there are no "meals" rather just snacks and things that can be eaten from a package so as not to dirty yet more dishes.
what i'm working on is this: i try like heck to pray often and remember that I'm being shaped by God. I'm being molded and formed for His glory and not my own. so I'm trying, but not always succeeding, to pray every day that my actions will be more along the lines of something God can be proud of.
you know...when you're sitting, surrounded by half unpacked boxes, cheerios stuck to your shirt, spit-up in your hair, STILL carrying around some baby weight..and you mutter to yourself, "this was not what i had planned..."
i can almost hear God struggling with milk shooting out of his nose from that line.
i have to take a step back and remind myself that i KNEW this (moving 'home' after 8 years) wasn't going to be easy. that we came to this decision because the benefits far outweighed the downfalls. *but* that those benefits were "in the long run" benefits, not immediate.
i remind myself of how blessed we are. how incredibly, amazingly, blessed we are.
it's easy to get caught up in the ebb and flow of every day drama: someone's teething, someone's going through a growth spurt, everyone's crying (including me!) someone doesn't care to listen, is something burning in the oven? why is the carpet wet?!
so i take a deep breath and look at what I've accomplished that day. as mom...as a girl..as a person who struggles with the idea of and the fear of failure, some days, i just need someone to say, "you're kicking some serious butt today, you know that?"
don't we all occasionally need that?
and while my children's behavior is a reflection on me...nothing has made me more proud than yesterday when Lily and I moved into the birth and life of Jesus Christ in her history lesson.
i started reading the story of the good Samaritan to her and before i got more than 3 sentences in, Lily was bouncing in her seat, saying, "I know this!"..so i stopped and let her tell me the story. i didn't have to read it. she passed the history test with flying colors. i know i didn't do this alone, we've had a tribe of wonderful people in our lives helping culture a love of God in her heart; but wow, what a moment to stop and smile and really know that me- as a parent- is doing something right.
there are so many times when you can second guess your abilities as a parent or as a person in general...but when something like this happens, you have to breathe a sigh of relief.
i was second guessing my decision to home school. i was contemplating the idea of sending her to school...not because it got too hard..but because, well, i don't really know what put it in my head to even consider the change but i was...and now, I'm most definitely not.
there are so many benefits to home schooling: flexible learning schedule, learning at your child's pace, choosing to integrate your faith into everyday learning, instilling family values and morals, life lessons can be learned by allowing your school age children to see you every day in life situations (see above list: teething, fussing, crying, etc.)
i believe it's a very big deal for your children to be able to see you in stressful situations so that they will learn how to deal with their own stressful situations.
everything, absolutely everything can be a teaching moment. baking brownies becomes science, mixed with literature and comprehension, mixed with home ec.
i really love that we can pick up and go whenever we want to. i love that school can be done at noon. i love that my younger ones are able to learn by observing.
yes, if you know me, you know my plate is extremely full. don't ever tell me that staying at home is "easy". I've added a lot to my days by choosing certain things over others...but i hope that I'm teaching my children that easier isn't always better, and sometimes a little extra elbow grease is well worth it.
we cloth diaper vs. disposable.
I'm not against disposable. in fact, i typically keep a package in my house for specific situations like what we're going through now with Amelia. her skin is SUPER sensitive. we just recently changed washers and because of my miscalculation, the diapers didn't get rinsed as well and resulted in Amelia getting a chemical burn (think diaper rash, but more painful for her). so while all diapers are getting stripped and thoroughly rinsed, she's in disposables and healing nicely.
cloth diapers= extra loads of laundry...but I'm a stay at home mom, I'm definitely a homebody, so for me, the extra work isn't a big deal.
we don't do baby food.
for me, this seems easier. i just mashed up our food for Amelia when she required it and I'll do the same for Cain when he's old enough.
i do the haircuts.
we save money by getting home trims. Arnie's is easy. I've always done my own, and Lily is a breeze as well. i just gave her another perm last night which she loves. the cost? $5 and change. I've had the rods for a few years and the perm solution was roughly $5. more work? yes. is my neck and back killing me today? yes. does lily love her hair? yes. totally. worth it. :)
we don't do a whole lot of eating out.
yes, this equals more cooking, but in the end, we save lots of money, and eat healthier. we also teach our kids to be creative with food, for instance if i cook chili on day one, day two becomes chili cheese fries or coney dogs, and day three it becomes a dip for chips. also, when we do eat out, it is truly a treat and a fun adventure for the kids.
we recycle older things.
i try to teach Lily that old doesn't equal boring. we take towels that are too ragged to use as towels and use the sewing machine to make new things (attempts at clothes for dolls or diaper inserts for Amelia and Cain). we typically will scan through the clearanced fabrics and buy when things are ridiculously cheap. add that fabric (normally it's fun "seasonal" patterns that didn't sell for that season or holiday) to the old towels and you get fun new things for next to nothing. again, yes, it's more work...but I'm hoping this gives my kids a better foundation especially when today's society is so quick to throw the used and broken in the garbage. (we also use orphaned socks as cleaning rags)
we home school.
i know that you cannot shield your children from every terrible thing, but you can equip your children with the proper tools and knowledge to combat bad things they will encounter.
it is a great deal of work. it takes an enormous amount of patience...it may not be for everyone...but the pay out is so very rewarding. and i cant describe how happy i am to be able to spend that time with my children...to be right there when they have their "aha!" moments is priceless.
so, yes, i most definitely have my days where i know God is giggling at my "this was not in my plans!" moments. i have days where i question every decision I've made. i have days when i feel totally insane, and yes, i absolutely have a good cry.
so, if you don't know me well and you read a post or two on facebook from me...please know that I'm not really bragging so much as making an "i cannot believe this day went this well!" statement...because i have plenty of days of nonstop messes, helplessness, and self pity. days where I've yelled at someone for something when no one deserved to be yelled at. days when there are no "meals" rather just snacks and things that can be eaten from a package so as not to dirty yet more dishes.
what i'm working on is this: i try like heck to pray often and remember that I'm being shaped by God. I'm being molded and formed for His glory and not my own. so I'm trying, but not always succeeding, to pray every day that my actions will be more along the lines of something God can be proud of.
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