when you find yourself expecting (for the first time, or any after that for that matter) it is a magical, wonderful time.
...it also a time in your life when you will receive the most unsolicited advice EVER. you will also be privy to the most scary horror stories your ears have ever encountered.
and while some advice is great, some is ridiculous and the horror stories? come on! who wants to be told terrible things when they are creating something absolutely miraculous?!
what i wish i would've been told when i was expecting that first time are these things: (feel free to add to this, as i'm sure i will, i'm expecting #3 in august and i know i will learn more this time around)
*there are NO stupid questions. ask your doctor EVERYTHING you want to know. while some things are safe, not everything is. and you know that unsolicited advice? well, you'll get tons of crazy tips, advice and warnings. TONS.
i was told early on to NEVER put my hands above my head as it would cause the umbilical cord to rap around the baby's neck, causing strangulation. THAT is malarky...but i was young, impressionable, and worried i was going to kill my baby by hanging up my coat.
*morning sickness doesnt always hit every pregnant lady. neither does every other tell-tale symptom. it does not/should not raise any red flags. so unless your doctor is concerned...ignore all the crazy people who say "oh, your boobs arent sore? MINE were sore every time...are you sure youre pregnant?" feel free to poke those folks in the eyeballs.
*you are a mommy from conception- forward. dont let anyone tell you otherwise. i was told i couldnt participate in some specific "mother" games/events because i wasnt "technically" a mother yet. it broke my heart. i had heard the heart beat. i had seen the baby move. i had given her a name. i sang to her. i talked to her. i felt her move daily...but i wasnt a mother?? craziness! i was too timid to argue. dont be. i regret that i didnt fight back. i was 5 months pregnant and very much in mommy mode.
*feel free to stop the horror stories.
when someone starts telling you some terrible pregnancy horror story, feel free to stop them...or walk away. you are in NO WAY obligated to listen to some bloody gory story. i've no idea why, but when you become pregnant, people all the sudden feel comfortable telling you really terrible things. most of them will keep you up at night worrying like crazy. walk away. not every pregnancy is bad, not every labor is 72 hours. you do not have to listen to that crap.
-me, for instance...my labor was easy peasy. especially Amelia. i pushed once. i've been told before (when ladies are sitting around trading their labor stories) that mine didnt count because it was "too easy". dont hate. just because i dont have a bloody war story of labor doesnt mean mine doesnt count. i enjoy telling people my labor story because it's NOT SCARY. pregnant women have enough to worry about, stop scaring us. meanies.
*prepare early on. 2nd trimester is a great time to start, unless you are blessed and have no morning sickness. i waited till the very last minute for everything with my first born...and it was TERRIBLE!! people kept telling me..."well, something might happen...and you could lose the baby...i'd wait before i'd prepare for the baby." i was cursing those people during the first months of Lily's life. i couldnt find ANYTHING. nothing was unpacked, the nursery wasnt ready...and bottles...what bottles?? i was LOST! and listen, YES, there is *always* the possibility of something happening but the fact of the matter is, the first time you see that little heart beating, anywhere from about 6 weeks on...your risk of miscarriage goes down to about 5%. and not to be a fatalist but something could ALWAYS happen...whenever...that doesnt stop us from decorating rooms, buying toys (for preparation for christmas, birthdays, etc)
*you cant tell people youre expecting till the second trimester. also a bunch of crap. see above for reasons...but i'll add this: i've suffered a miscarriage at 8 weeks, 4 days, and let me tell you, it was easier and more comforting to have everyone there, praying for me and giving me support, instead of quietly suffering through my loss alone with my husband. ultimately, this should be YOUR decision. no one else's. you do what you are comfortable with.
*birth plans.
these "plans" make me laugh. now, dont get me wrong, some women swear by them, love them, save them, etc.
me? yeah..not so much. my plan? PAIN FREE. close family/friends can be present. everything is put in God's hands. i do what the doctor says is best. if he says c section, i will be nervous, but i trust my doctor's judgment. i will NOT stomp my feet and cry because my "plan" wasnt followed to a T.
the idea of music playing, quietness...etc make me roll my eyes. again, some ladies do this crap and have great success. i could care less. birth is not play by play planning. it is different every time and no one but God knows how it's going to play out...and chances are that music you choose...when those contractions start rolling in, you'll be singing a different tune, as in shut that crap noise off. (plus i really enjoying hearing my baby's heart beat and knowing she was doing fine throughout my labor. music wouldve ruined that for me.)
*no epidural = i'm a beter woman than you.
BIG FAT NO. pain management is everyone's personal choice. if you choose to "feel everything" then go you. i've watched too many birthing shows with "better than thou" women preaching the drug free way and then labor comes and they're crying and begging for drugs. again, you have no clue how your labor is going to go. stop trying to plan every little detail.
i prefer to feel a *little* and be relaxed enough to dilate on my own (with no pitocin drip) and let labor go however. why put yourself through insane amounts of pain that (oh yes you will remember later). i very vividly remember the pain i felt with Lily, after the epidural wore off. i was ready to kill someone. i never want to feel that again. so just remember, pain management is YOUR choice. it makes you no better or worse as a mom. i'm tense person. pain management works well for me for labor.
*breast feeding.
i highly highly recommend giving this a shot. i had these magical images in my head of breast feeding my daughter (cue the rainbows and unicorns) and no one told me otherwise. people would ask if i was going to, i would say yes, and i would get the commendable back pat for being such an awesome mom.
*nobody* told me how bad it would hurt!!! also, equally important, *nobody* told me that if i stuck with it, at about the 2 month mark, a routine is established, and the pain you endured is nearly completely gone. also, around this time, you can start pumping (not before- you want to get a good established milk supply) and saving up and letting dad or siblings bottle feed- if you so choose.
you need a great support system. you need help...and you sort of need to throw modesty out the window for a little while. "let down" is important and it doesnt happen if you're uptight and nervous. you have to be relaxed.
it is great, wonderful, and awesome for baby (and you). give it a shot. try to stick with it...but if, for whatever reason, it doesnt work. DO NOT guilt trip yourself for not sticking with it. you're dealing with enough. hormonally, you have been through the gamut. dont add anything else to your plate. give yourself permission to quit and let it go. *any* breast milk your baby gets is better than none.
*dont give the baby a pacifier, it will cause nipple confusion!
okay, so i dont know if we're just insanely blessed as parents or what, but my two girls have NEVER had nipple confusion. we've breastfed, bottle fed, gave them crazy amounts of different pacifiers and bottles for that matter...and never had one single issue. in fact, it seems to help around here to change things up occassionally. lily gave up her "binkie" without so much as a fuss. and amelia has already started sippy cup training. dont scare yourself into not giving your child a soother. babies need to suck, so unless youre willing to let your boob become a pacifier, buy some binkies.
*do not be afraid of your baby
they are remarkably made. dont be afraid to change your baby, give your baby a bath, or anything else. enjoy this time. it passes quickly. i do offer this advice: get a baby tub. everyone told me the sink was fine, but i was a terrified parent, afraid to touch my baby, let alone put her in a hard sink. that little baby tub gave me peace of mind. if you need it, get one. amelia (baby #2) is almost 7 months and we still occassionally use it.
*do what your doctor/pediatrician says
you will get more insane advice once the baby is born. like this: put cereal in the baby's bottle. it will help them sleep through the night. NO NO NO. not healthy. not right. ask your dr. do what they tell you to do.
and you are BOUND to hear this one. "are they sleeping through the night? no? oh...they must have their days and nights mixed up."
actually NO. every baby seems more wakeful when it's dark out. know why? your baby just spend NINE months in pretty much full on darkness. from about week 25 or later on...their eyes opened. they still only saw mostly darkness. it takes babies a while to adjust to the light of day. in the meantime, when the lights go out, watch your little one's bright eyes open up. yes, you will be insanely tired...but during this period seeing those baby eyes are rare...so *try* to enjoy it. eventually, they adjust and start sleeping more at night, it happens. just be patient.
*nothing. no amount of anything, can prepare you for how tired you are going to be during those first few months
you'll hear this a lot: "sleep when the baby sleeps" and it is true. it is the best advice you can take. please, please, try to do this. let chores go by the way side. when people come to visit and say "what can i do to help?" ask them to run a load of laundry. maybe scrub a plate or two. have no shame. YOU need your rest. please take help when it's offered. dont be proud...just say yes and thank you. those offering help will accept that thank you with a smile...most of them have been in your shoes.
*prepare, prepare, prepare.
have a deep freeze? USE it. when you're still preggo and feeling good, cook up some easy meals and freeze them. date them and place them in the deep freeze. buy paper plates, utensils, and cups. then when the baby comes and you can bare to eat another take out meal, a friend or your husband can pop that frozen meal in the oven, and *presto!* you're feeling like june cleaver, knowing you cooked this meal and have a baby in your lap. those meals are life savers...and so are the disposable tableware. USE IT!!
*communicate
talk to your spouse. tell them how you're feeling. do not assume for one minute they know what youre going through. they dont. theyre clueless and needing a lifeline...so toss them one. are you feeling insane? overwhelmed? exhausted? tell him that! they are perfectly capable of handling their baby. take a shower. take a walk (if you feel like it) do what you need to do. just talk to your husband about how youre feeling. they need to know. and remember this now and forever: they cannot, nor have they ever, been able to read your mind. you must tell them things.
on the same note, just because they're doing something differently with the baby, does not mean they are doing it wrong. *try* not to criticize. they're just as new to this as you are and they need confidence boosters too. unless they are putting the baby in harms way, bite your tongue and watch...you could be surprised. you might just learn something.
-i did. my husband is a MASTER soother. me? i suck. even now, he can calm our girls down in a heart beat. from the get go, he was awesome at getting the water works to come to a screeching halt. learn to let go of the reins and let daddy come to the rescue. (and commend him for his efforts!! they need to know they are doing a good job- again- do not assume they know these things. share the love)
*learn to say no.
the first few weeks are critical...and special. if you dont feel like having company around, just let them know. dont feel obligated. most people understand. set up a date tentatively. if they've ever had a baby, they will know how you feel.
and again, some moms are completely up for early visits. just remember to pay attention to the time of the year (is it flu season?) and politely ask that folks wash their hands before handling your bundle of joy. you are allowed to be picky. it is YOUR baby..not theirs. and remember, if baby gets sick, you'll be pulling sick duty, not them...so be a hand wash nazi if you have to be. (and ask if anyone has recently been sick-if they have, ask them politely to stay away for a little while.
there's way more than this...but i'm hungry and it's time for some lunch around here. i'll add more later. until then, feel free to add your own :)
Monday, February 20, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
i was wrong
this morning, as i was standing in my kitchen, doing my God time, a thought hit me. i've been doing this wrong. i've been wrong all along.
and while i should have been sad and disheartened, i was actually kind of thrilled that i realized this. i've been wrong. (shocker, i know)
you see, i've been allowing "things" to define my life. and not only my life, but my self-esteem, my sense of well being, and who i am as a wife, a mother, and a friend.
i'll give you a perfect example. this morning, i was standing at the sink, making breakfast and doing last night's "too tired" dishes and silently congratulating myself. Amelia was taking her nap (right on time)the sun was shining outside, my kitchen was relatively clean, the laundry was being finished up in the dryer as i stood there, clothes were folded and obediently waiting to be put away. life, was in order. i felt like an excellent wife. a good mother.
and then i stopped myself.
three days ago, i was glued to the couch with a trash can between my legs- hoping i didnt throw up, yet again, holding an INSANELY fussy Amelia, who absolutely refused to take a nap ALL DAY, the dirty clothes were strung from here to there, the dishes hadnt been touched in two or three days and Lily was literally going straight down the gutter with behavior at school and (gasp!) at church!
three days ago, i sat on that couch- in tears. i was a failure as a wife (every one who gets morning sickness survives and works through it, YOU are no exception) i was a complete failure as a mom- Amelia wouldnt stop screaming no matter what i did, Lily's behavior seemed to be an instant reflection on how we've raised her. i'm a terrible friend (i never call my friends, ever.) Dinner was out of the question. i couldnt look at food, let alone prepare it for my family, who would soon be arriving home.
i have allowed all these moments to define me and my mood--good moments and bad...instead of seeing these moments for what they really are. Lessons and blessings.
today i realized that just because Amelia is fussy and doesnt take her naps doesnt make me any less of a good mom. Just because Lily is a challenge in public places- it doesnt define my task of being a parent. i allow people to push my feelings in one way or another. i see hesitation when another's child wants to play with Lily (is that worry that they'll pick up something bad/troubling from her?)
-if it is, so be it. i read something today about raising stubborn children that completely and totally lifted my spirits about her and her challenges. so if another parent is hesitant to have their child around mine, then i dont care. i'm letting them suck up all that worry and doubt. i will do it no longer.
i'm putting this in God's hands. i'm going to start teaching Lily that stubborness can be an absolute blessing when used in the right situations (helping those less fortunate, looking for those who were left out of the group---ideas i got from the article this morning)
i know that the change in her will be there, it will just take time and lots of patience. i will surround her with love and with friends and parents who know her for who her heart truly is and love her always.
i will look at the days when Amelia is beyond fussy with thankfulness. i have been blessed with her (and Lily) and i cant imagine life without them. i will put myself in the shoes of those who have lost a child. of those who struggle with infertility...and i will be HUMBLE and ever thankful for what God has given me.
i will stop beating myself up for not calling friends. my close friends know me and know my weirdness about phones and calling people. it doesnt make me less of a friend. it just makes me weird...and grateful that i have friends in my life that understand me and accept me for who i am.
i will embrace the days when i cant get off the couch because of morning sickness because i never saw myself being pregnant again. i will look at my baby's first picture and remember the sound of that *amazing* heart beat. i will be thankful that God has blessed our lives so abundantly that for that last few days, i find myself with tears in my eyes because i dont deserve this. i dont deserve any of this and yet i am blessed beyond my means, filled up, and overflowing.
how good is God that i am alive and life is growing inside me. how great is He, that i have this remarkably unique family that is strong in love and supportive no matter what.
i am grateful. i am thankful.
today is a great day, not because of the things that have happened, but because i've been blessed in more ways than i can see.
you know how when you're in an argument and the answer comes to light and it comes out that you were right all along and you just feel...vindicated??
well, today is a great day... because i was wrong. :)
and while i should have been sad and disheartened, i was actually kind of thrilled that i realized this. i've been wrong. (shocker, i know)
you see, i've been allowing "things" to define my life. and not only my life, but my self-esteem, my sense of well being, and who i am as a wife, a mother, and a friend.
i'll give you a perfect example. this morning, i was standing at the sink, making breakfast and doing last night's "too tired" dishes and silently congratulating myself. Amelia was taking her nap (right on time)the sun was shining outside, my kitchen was relatively clean, the laundry was being finished up in the dryer as i stood there, clothes were folded and obediently waiting to be put away. life, was in order. i felt like an excellent wife. a good mother.
and then i stopped myself.
three days ago, i was glued to the couch with a trash can between my legs- hoping i didnt throw up, yet again, holding an INSANELY fussy Amelia, who absolutely refused to take a nap ALL DAY, the dirty clothes were strung from here to there, the dishes hadnt been touched in two or three days and Lily was literally going straight down the gutter with behavior at school and (gasp!) at church!
three days ago, i sat on that couch- in tears. i was a failure as a wife (every one who gets morning sickness survives and works through it, YOU are no exception) i was a complete failure as a mom- Amelia wouldnt stop screaming no matter what i did, Lily's behavior seemed to be an instant reflection on how we've raised her. i'm a terrible friend (i never call my friends, ever.) Dinner was out of the question. i couldnt look at food, let alone prepare it for my family, who would soon be arriving home.
i have allowed all these moments to define me and my mood--good moments and bad...instead of seeing these moments for what they really are. Lessons and blessings.
today i realized that just because Amelia is fussy and doesnt take her naps doesnt make me any less of a good mom. Just because Lily is a challenge in public places- it doesnt define my task of being a parent. i allow people to push my feelings in one way or another. i see hesitation when another's child wants to play with Lily (is that worry that they'll pick up something bad/troubling from her?)
-if it is, so be it. i read something today about raising stubborn children that completely and totally lifted my spirits about her and her challenges. so if another parent is hesitant to have their child around mine, then i dont care. i'm letting them suck up all that worry and doubt. i will do it no longer.
i'm putting this in God's hands. i'm going to start teaching Lily that stubborness can be an absolute blessing when used in the right situations (helping those less fortunate, looking for those who were left out of the group---ideas i got from the article this morning)
i know that the change in her will be there, it will just take time and lots of patience. i will surround her with love and with friends and parents who know her for who her heart truly is and love her always.
i will look at the days when Amelia is beyond fussy with thankfulness. i have been blessed with her (and Lily) and i cant imagine life without them. i will put myself in the shoes of those who have lost a child. of those who struggle with infertility...and i will be HUMBLE and ever thankful for what God has given me.
i will stop beating myself up for not calling friends. my close friends know me and know my weirdness about phones and calling people. it doesnt make me less of a friend. it just makes me weird...and grateful that i have friends in my life that understand me and accept me for who i am.
i will embrace the days when i cant get off the couch because of morning sickness because i never saw myself being pregnant again. i will look at my baby's first picture and remember the sound of that *amazing* heart beat. i will be thankful that God has blessed our lives so abundantly that for that last few days, i find myself with tears in my eyes because i dont deserve this. i dont deserve any of this and yet i am blessed beyond my means, filled up, and overflowing.
how good is God that i am alive and life is growing inside me. how great is He, that i have this remarkably unique family that is strong in love and supportive no matter what.
i am grateful. i am thankful.
today is a great day, not because of the things that have happened, but because i've been blessed in more ways than i can see.
you know how when you're in an argument and the answer comes to light and it comes out that you were right all along and you just feel...vindicated??
well, today is a great day... because i was wrong. :)
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
the best christmas gift we could receive
yesterday morning, i was given some very surprising yet joyous news. we are expecting.
before i get any snide comments or somewhat snarky side notes, let me say this:
no, we werent "trying". yes, we do know what causes this. yes, i am very nervous, and while this was most unexpected, it is truly a gift from God and i am so very excited to be blessed one more time.
we are happy about this news so please respect that and know that the reason that i'm telling everyone is because i want and need support from my friends and family. yes, i know superstition says you shouldnt say anything before the first trimester, but i am not one for superstition. i dont want to be quiet about something when i could have prayers and hugs and ..well, just support. also, please know that i am by no means gloating...i know there are folks out there who are trying to conceive and who need help doing so. it took us 2 years to conceive lily. we had truly given up when i found myself pregnant with her. never lose hope that it can happen. never lose faith.
so, if you have other questions, please ask. i will do my best to answer them.
"Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands.
How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!
He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates." (Psalm 127:3-5)
Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh, that you would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request.
(1 Chronicles 4:9-10)
before i get any snide comments or somewhat snarky side notes, let me say this:
no, we werent "trying". yes, we do know what causes this. yes, i am very nervous, and while this was most unexpected, it is truly a gift from God and i am so very excited to be blessed one more time.
we are happy about this news so please respect that and know that the reason that i'm telling everyone is because i want and need support from my friends and family. yes, i know superstition says you shouldnt say anything before the first trimester, but i am not one for superstition. i dont want to be quiet about something when i could have prayers and hugs and ..well, just support. also, please know that i am by no means gloating...i know there are folks out there who are trying to conceive and who need help doing so. it took us 2 years to conceive lily. we had truly given up when i found myself pregnant with her. never lose hope that it can happen. never lose faith.
so, if you have other questions, please ask. i will do my best to answer them.
"Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands.
How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!
He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates." (Psalm 127:3-5)
Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh, that you would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request.
(1 Chronicles 4:9-10)
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
sometimes you just need to look in the mirror.
while i sit here, with amelia in my lap, fighting a naptime she knows she needs...i try to accept myself. i read an article today by a mom who talked honestly about not fitting into her prebaby jeans. i'm there. 3 and a half months postpartum and i've nearly given up all hope of being "back to normal". i fight with myself constantly on this.
i was on bed rest for 3 months straight. no exercise. no...nothing. just bed rest. i swear, this ruined my body. but it kept amelia healthy and most importantly, alive. she was born exactly 3 weeks early. i wouldnt have made it that far if i had not been on bed rest.
also, i feel that i tend to blow things out of proportion. my body isnt ruined. it's just not the way it was before i was pregnant. it's actually still changing. i notice little differences every day. i'm just the kind of person that needs constant reassurance that i look okay. that i'm not overweight. add to this that i DO have enough common sense to keep these issues to myself and NOT pass them onto Lily who watches my every move. and please dont misunderstand me. i did not receive my issues from watching my mom fret over her body. in fact, i dont ever remember her worrying about things like that.
no, i have a theory. my theory is this: people pay WAY too much attention to how others and themselves look. i grew up very small framed...if not somewhat dangerously skinny. i heard on a daily basis, several times a day how i was too skinny, how i needed to eat more. blah. blah. blah.
and then i graduated high school. i fell in love. i got married....eventually, i was pregnant.
i still heard on a daily basis how i was so tiny. "cute" pregnant. then i gave birth and i remember struggling with my body after that...but it has become a blur between my struggle to getting back into my size 0 jeans. i have no idea how long it took. i dont remember any of it.
i bounced around after that as far as jean sizes go. i would bounce anywhere in between that foreboding 0 to a size 5.
i started hearing "you look really healthy!"
healthy? what the hell is healthy? i'm not skinny anymore?!....and so the seed was planted. (by myself and no one else)
when you get used to hearing something your entire life and then all the sudden that view changes...it can rock you to the core. i know it did me.
now mind you, i have a fantastic family. they always tell me how i look "good". never once have i heard "you might wanna hold off on that second helping."
also, keep in mind, i'm not big on exercise. i LOVE sports. could play softball or volleyball all day every day...but put me in a gym? ugh. no thanks. booooring. so, it's not like i'm one of those people who have exercised like crazy and i just cant lose the weight. nope, that's not me. i hate exercise. also, i love food. big helpings, too.
see my struggle? i'm actually very blessed with my body type and yet, i hate my body some days, quite often.. isnt it terrible to be a girl? we're quite often way too obsessed with how we look.
i fully believe that we need to have classes in school, starting at a very young age, for girls and boys and body image. teach kids early to love their bodies just as they are. teach them to eat healthy, be active, and love your body as it looks. no alterations.
i hate that i worry about my body at all. i have been given two fabulous gifts. two beautiful girls and i'd like to think that maybe we'll be blessed with another gift sometime in the future, which means my body will be ravaged again by nine months of craziness. and possibly more bed rest.
so, while today i'm of sound mind and body, i'd like to pose this question and answer it as well:
will my prebaby jeans ever fit again?
Answer: i will not dignify that question with a yes or a no. i will simply say this: who cares? i went through hell to keep amelia healthy and alive and she was born beautiful and healthy. what a crazy awesome blessing! and now? i kinda like the way i look in the jeans i have now. they may not be "the" size...but who cares? i'm happy. i love my babies and my husband loves me. and that's all i need to know.
side note to all women:
please dont ever hate a girl for how she looks. even if she appears skinny, chances are, she doesnt view herself in that light. chances are, she hates her body just as much as the next girl. instead, look in the mirror and start listing off the things that you love about yourself. you'll find more happiness there than in looking over the fence.
i was on bed rest for 3 months straight. no exercise. no...nothing. just bed rest. i swear, this ruined my body. but it kept amelia healthy and most importantly, alive. she was born exactly 3 weeks early. i wouldnt have made it that far if i had not been on bed rest.
also, i feel that i tend to blow things out of proportion. my body isnt ruined. it's just not the way it was before i was pregnant. it's actually still changing. i notice little differences every day. i'm just the kind of person that needs constant reassurance that i look okay. that i'm not overweight. add to this that i DO have enough common sense to keep these issues to myself and NOT pass them onto Lily who watches my every move. and please dont misunderstand me. i did not receive my issues from watching my mom fret over her body. in fact, i dont ever remember her worrying about things like that.
no, i have a theory. my theory is this: people pay WAY too much attention to how others and themselves look. i grew up very small framed...if not somewhat dangerously skinny. i heard on a daily basis, several times a day how i was too skinny, how i needed to eat more. blah. blah. blah.
and then i graduated high school. i fell in love. i got married....eventually, i was pregnant.
i still heard on a daily basis how i was so tiny. "cute" pregnant. then i gave birth and i remember struggling with my body after that...but it has become a blur between my struggle to getting back into my size 0 jeans. i have no idea how long it took. i dont remember any of it.
i bounced around after that as far as jean sizes go. i would bounce anywhere in between that foreboding 0 to a size 5.
i started hearing "you look really healthy!"
healthy? what the hell is healthy? i'm not skinny anymore?!....and so the seed was planted. (by myself and no one else)
when you get used to hearing something your entire life and then all the sudden that view changes...it can rock you to the core. i know it did me.
now mind you, i have a fantastic family. they always tell me how i look "good". never once have i heard "you might wanna hold off on that second helping."
also, keep in mind, i'm not big on exercise. i LOVE sports. could play softball or volleyball all day every day...but put me in a gym? ugh. no thanks. booooring. so, it's not like i'm one of those people who have exercised like crazy and i just cant lose the weight. nope, that's not me. i hate exercise. also, i love food. big helpings, too.
see my struggle? i'm actually very blessed with my body type and yet, i hate my body some days, quite often.. isnt it terrible to be a girl? we're quite often way too obsessed with how we look.
i fully believe that we need to have classes in school, starting at a very young age, for girls and boys and body image. teach kids early to love their bodies just as they are. teach them to eat healthy, be active, and love your body as it looks. no alterations.
i hate that i worry about my body at all. i have been given two fabulous gifts. two beautiful girls and i'd like to think that maybe we'll be blessed with another gift sometime in the future, which means my body will be ravaged again by nine months of craziness. and possibly more bed rest.
so, while today i'm of sound mind and body, i'd like to pose this question and answer it as well:
will my prebaby jeans ever fit again?
Answer: i will not dignify that question with a yes or a no. i will simply say this: who cares? i went through hell to keep amelia healthy and alive and she was born beautiful and healthy. what a crazy awesome blessing! and now? i kinda like the way i look in the jeans i have now. they may not be "the" size...but who cares? i'm happy. i love my babies and my husband loves me. and that's all i need to know.
side note to all women:
please dont ever hate a girl for how she looks. even if she appears skinny, chances are, she doesnt view herself in that light. chances are, she hates her body just as much as the next girl. instead, look in the mirror and start listing off the things that you love about yourself. you'll find more happiness there than in looking over the fence.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
children
now that arnie and i are parents of two children, multiple questions and worries arise in me.
we bask in the smiles of our infant daughter and marvel at the fact that we did this once before seven years ago. we struggle to remember (did we do this with Lily?)
and then guilt follows....we feel that we are far from seasoned parents, but we also feel that we are, at least, slightly, improved in our parenting skills.
i constantly question if Lily got this same amount of attention and comfort. did i talk to her as much? did i interact this much with her? how is she affected by watching us interact with Amelia?
my girls are being raised different, no matter how hard i try for that not to happen, it is. when i became pregnant with Lily, i had no fear of miscarriage, i had no knowledge of any dangers that might be lurking around the corner.. i was blissfully ignorant. i did things that i wouldnt dream of doing while being pregnant now.
we look back now and realize that we were much more immature as parents with Lily as a baby than we are now.
with Amelia, i was all too aware of what i could lose. when she was born- healthy and adorable, it was a moment of tears, of relief, of thankfulness. with Lily, i was so impatient for her to be born, when she came, it was more of a "finally!" moment. i didnt give myself to the moment the way i should've.
my hope is that i raise two girls who are much, much more confident than i was or am today. that they make wise decisions, that they are not quick tempered like me, but that they show patience and kindness, even in the face of difficulty. that they are raised with our church and have a love and devotion for God that is nurtured by everyone they know.
i worry often about the differences between Amelia and Lily and how they will turn out and how much myself or Arnie influences who they will be as adults. one can only wish...and pray...that we are doing right by them.
we bask in the smiles of our infant daughter and marvel at the fact that we did this once before seven years ago. we struggle to remember (did we do this with Lily?)
and then guilt follows....we feel that we are far from seasoned parents, but we also feel that we are, at least, slightly, improved in our parenting skills.
i constantly question if Lily got this same amount of attention and comfort. did i talk to her as much? did i interact this much with her? how is she affected by watching us interact with Amelia?
my girls are being raised different, no matter how hard i try for that not to happen, it is. when i became pregnant with Lily, i had no fear of miscarriage, i had no knowledge of any dangers that might be lurking around the corner.. i was blissfully ignorant. i did things that i wouldnt dream of doing while being pregnant now.
we look back now and realize that we were much more immature as parents with Lily as a baby than we are now.
with Amelia, i was all too aware of what i could lose. when she was born- healthy and adorable, it was a moment of tears, of relief, of thankfulness. with Lily, i was so impatient for her to be born, when she came, it was more of a "finally!" moment. i didnt give myself to the moment the way i should've.
my hope is that i raise two girls who are much, much more confident than i was or am today. that they make wise decisions, that they are not quick tempered like me, but that they show patience and kindness, even in the face of difficulty. that they are raised with our church and have a love and devotion for God that is nurtured by everyone they know.
i worry often about the differences between Amelia and Lily and how they will turn out and how much myself or Arnie influences who they will be as adults. one can only wish...and pray...that we are doing right by them.
on suffering..and loss
as a friend or family member, i hope you know that if you are going through bad times, if you are suffering, then i suffer with you.
i am not one who shows emotions, i'm not big on showing affection, but i promise you that if you are in pain, i am pained with you.
there are things that have happened here recently right here in zanesville that i have tried hard to avoid. i dont want to give it a great deal of thought. i dont want to travel into the basement of dispair and sadness and loss.
a mother lost her child.
i dont know this woman. i didnt know her child.
but i am a mom. and my heart breaks for her. my eyes tear up just thinking about her pain.
a friend brought up that this lady's child was a twin and that with every milestone that her other son reaches, it will be a reminder of the fact that she lost one. i needed to block out the conversation at that point.
i remember when i was pregant with Lily and i was in a group setting, the topic arose to who was the youngest mother. i was quickly ruled out because i wasnt considered a mother yet. my feelings were hurt. but i forgot about it and gave birth to a healthy baby girl who has more gusto than i ever expected.
flash foward to august 27th 2010. i went in to the ER and found out that the baby in my belly had no heart beat. i certainly felt like a mother at that point. and i feel the loss still.
i feel the loss every time i see a baby that is the same age that mine would've been. my heart breaks with pain. my baby would be five months old. there is a constant lump that stays in the back of my throat.
i found out another friend is due in april. that was my due date. i feel my breath catch in my throat. it's never ending. because it was my month, i know too much information. i know the month they conceived. i know what week she's in. i know the symptoms she's probably experiencing. i am happy for her...but i feel the sadness cover me like a rough wool blanket.
i cannot imagine another parent's loss. but i know my own and i wouldnt wish it on anyone. my reminders are small and i block out when i can, however unhealthy that may be...but some have daily reminders...constant reminders... how deep their sadness must be.
i have been greatly blessed and i do not question my losses (very often). i live each day and remember and pray the prayer of Jabez. i remind myself of when Jesus said you do not have because you do not ask. i pray for those i love and those i know are suffering.
so if you ever see me staring a little too long at a baby...maybe now you'll understand why. and please remember something before you comment: one child does not replace another. and strangely, amelia does not remind me of anything sad...it's only when i see a baby that would've been the same age as mine...and i am oh so very thankful for what i have. i just felt like venting since i'm not one to "talk" about my feelings.
Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request. 1 Chronicles 4:10.
i am not one who shows emotions, i'm not big on showing affection, but i promise you that if you are in pain, i am pained with you.
there are things that have happened here recently right here in zanesville that i have tried hard to avoid. i dont want to give it a great deal of thought. i dont want to travel into the basement of dispair and sadness and loss.
a mother lost her child.
i dont know this woman. i didnt know her child.
but i am a mom. and my heart breaks for her. my eyes tear up just thinking about her pain.
a friend brought up that this lady's child was a twin and that with every milestone that her other son reaches, it will be a reminder of the fact that she lost one. i needed to block out the conversation at that point.
i remember when i was pregant with Lily and i was in a group setting, the topic arose to who was the youngest mother. i was quickly ruled out because i wasnt considered a mother yet. my feelings were hurt. but i forgot about it and gave birth to a healthy baby girl who has more gusto than i ever expected.
flash foward to august 27th 2010. i went in to the ER and found out that the baby in my belly had no heart beat. i certainly felt like a mother at that point. and i feel the loss still.
i feel the loss every time i see a baby that is the same age that mine would've been. my heart breaks with pain. my baby would be five months old. there is a constant lump that stays in the back of my throat.
i found out another friend is due in april. that was my due date. i feel my breath catch in my throat. it's never ending. because it was my month, i know too much information. i know the month they conceived. i know what week she's in. i know the symptoms she's probably experiencing. i am happy for her...but i feel the sadness cover me like a rough wool blanket.
i cannot imagine another parent's loss. but i know my own and i wouldnt wish it on anyone. my reminders are small and i block out when i can, however unhealthy that may be...but some have daily reminders...constant reminders... how deep their sadness must be.
i have been greatly blessed and i do not question my losses (very often). i live each day and remember and pray the prayer of Jabez. i remind myself of when Jesus said you do not have because you do not ask. i pray for those i love and those i know are suffering.
so if you ever see me staring a little too long at a baby...maybe now you'll understand why. and please remember something before you comment: one child does not replace another. and strangely, amelia does not remind me of anything sad...it's only when i see a baby that would've been the same age as mine...and i am oh so very thankful for what i have. i just felt like venting since i'm not one to "talk" about my feelings.
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